Nairobi. The city of dreams, wild nights, busy days, beautiful women and handsome men. The city where everyone seems to be heading somewhere or coming from somewhere. It’s the city that makes shamba boys quit their village jobs to come get city jobs hoping to get more money. The city where innocent girls end up going rogue. It’s the city infested by women that apply layers of make-up. The city where men complain that women are faking but still chase the fake women It’s the city that makes mothers tell their kids, ‘beware of these men’ ‘beware of these ladies’. Nairobi is beautiful; the scenery, the people, the buildings, the artistic craft on the matatus and the food. There’s one thing I love most about Nairobi- the single men.
It’s Saturday night. I’m seated at the counter to a club with my best friend, James. He is one of Nairobi’s eligible bachelors who’s in his late 20’s, drives a nice car, has a good job, has a nice house, physically fit and has the best pick-up lines. He’s obviously not dating. As a matter of fact, a serious relationship is the last thing on his mind.
“How’s work?” James asks
“Works great. Just got a promotion after Janet got fired,”
“The Janet with a good smile?”
“Why do you always insist on calling her that?”
“That brunette has a great smile. As a matter of fact, I can now ask her on a date. She’s single, right?”
“I believe I have seen a guy pick her from the office several times. If that’s the fiance then she is in a serious relationship,”
“She’s not married so she’s still available. Come through Daisy, don’t be a buzzkill.”
“Okay. Fine (Tracing Janet’s number on my phone) There you go. Why are you interested in going after what’s already taken?”
“I’m a man. I love challenges. Furthermore, she’s a real catch”
“I thought the lady you took home last night was the real catch. I even banked my hopes on you getting into a relationship,”
“Thank you for Janet’s number. I’ll definitely give her a call. (He says with a cheeky smile) On to last night’s catch, Ashley. She is okay. Beautiful, smart, has her life in order and a nice job. Though, her booty is quite debatable.”
“Is lack of booty her real problem?”
“This morning, I woke up to the smell of pancakes. It was confusing. I rushed to the kitchen only to find Ashley in my shirt flipping pancakes.”
“I see yesterday you hit the jackpot and took home a lady who is wife material?” I respond smiling
“Wife material? I met her last night and she’s flipping pancakes in my kitchen after picking her up from a club? Who does that?”
“Why are you getting pissed? I’m not the one that was in your shirt flipping pancakes after getting chipo’d last night.”
“Wait till I finish my story then you’ll understand why I’m pissed or rather irritated. Get this, she not only flipped pancakes wearing my shirt, she also said ‘If you want me to leave then come back tonight just say the words, I might even end up leaving my toothbrush tomorrow morning’
“I feel sorry for you. Tell me you kicked her out?
“I was modest enough to fake an emergency meeting.”
“It’s Saturday. You can’t tell me she bought that?”
“I told her I’m a doctor. She had to believe me or else someone would end up losing their life,”
(Laughing) “You’re a liar, you know that?”
“Yes I do” he responds laughing
“James, will a day ever come that you’ll get tired?
“Tired of lying?”
“I mean sleeping around with ladies. Don’t you want kids?”
“I will answer that after talking to the lady smiling at me.”
Before I can utter another word, he’s gone. I know what his answer will be. It’s the same answer he has given before. The same response most single guys give, ‘You ladies cannot be trusted. Most you are fake such that I can’t tell who you are without make up. The ladies that are about to get done with campus are busy believing their campus boyfriends about how life will get easier once they are out of school. The rest are busy dealing with sponsors. Those with no boyfriends or sponsors are busy trying to get their lives together believing having a man is a waste of time. The ladies that are working, some are realizing that they have never been in serious relationships and are desperately searching for a man. Such ladies will do anything to get a man and it’s so easy to get them to bed. We love to be challenged. Those that are not desperate, they are hard to get and it’s very attractive but here is the problem, they believe they do not need a man. We want to feel needed. In short, I’d rather mess around to avoid the stress. As I watch him walk up to his new catch, several things worry me. Will he eventually stop? Will he be like the rest of the bachelors who wait till 40 to marry a young girl? Will he get sucked into the world of making money and having fun?
Gone are the days’ men struggled to get ladies. Nowadays they give up when they get what they want or when they realize the struggle will take longer than expected. I know, why campaign after winning an election? Why invest if you may not get returns? Let’s also be real. Men play games and make innocent ladies go bitter to the point of failing to see the worth of men. Nowadays, men rarely take women on real dates. Dates have turned to hangouts that end with going back to the guy’s place, sharing a bed and if the guy is lucky he gets some that night. Having one lady is not enough but having two or more is. If asked, the blame goes to the ladies- mainly that ladies have become loose. Why would ladies want to keep it together yet they will still get played? Why do most single men act perfect expecting single ladies to be the whole package yet they themselves are not the whole package? The men are so busy blaming the women saying women are unfaithful. Question is, are you guys loyal? Why blame the women for using some of your tips and playing the game better than you?
“Why hasn’t anyone approached you?” asks James interrupting my thoughts
“Probably because you left your coat hanging in the chair next to mine,”
“The coat strategy always works. Furthermore, you said you don’t need a man. Has that changed?”
“Not yet. You aren’t going home with your lady?”
“Naah. I have her number. I’ll call her tomorrow.”
“I thought you were to call Janet?”
“I’ll call them both. Shall we leave?”
Making our way to the door, I notice James smiling and winking at his new lady (He never loses his charm) If only I’d get 24hours to be a man. Get to know how it feels to have the power to hit on a lady, get her interested, take her number and walk away knowing I might never call her. I guess that’s why wishes aren’t horses. Even so, I love the single men of Nairobi.