Baba Njoki, kuchoka nimechoka. Walisema mvumilivu hula mbivu lakini mi hupata kula mbichi. For three years we courted, and for those three years you showed me heaven on earth. So what happened? Did the Ghost of the darkest witch come to you on our wedding night and cast a spell on you? Or was this your plot from the very beginning? An elucidation is all I need, but if that is too much to ask, just give me an answer. An answer with no illustration or description but one that will at least give me some peace of mind.
I don’t get it. Every day you leave the house looking dashing. The neighbors great you with respect, they buy the smiles that you give them. At your work place they have even given you a nick-name Mr. Perfect. But do they know? Do they know the insults you throw to my face when I fail to do what you have asked? Every night you come up with new rules. Yesterday it was, ‘No more talking with mama mboga.’ The previous day it was, ‘You will be washing all the clothes,’ all in the name of cutting the expenses we incur by the maiden coming to wash them-as if my job doesn’t matter. So what rule will today bring? Is it, ‘No more shagging on weekdays?’
To your friends and relatives, you put on quite a show. Acting as if you are proud of their success. For instance, your brother Toby when he got elected as the vice president in the office. You said the loudest congratulations at the dining table when the announcement was made. Then at night you kept lamenting, “This is the doing of illuminati. Toby is the dumbest person I know. Maybe he slept with his boss.” Aiih, baba Njoki, am worried. Instead of being envious, can’t you start working towards your own success? Every time I tell you that we should start a project that will generate money, you give me the same response, “Nashuku itabackfire.” How do you know that it will backfire if we do not even try? Then you go and squander your money on expensive clothes just to show others that your life is perfect. That you have all the money in the world to misuse. But do you really have all that money?
Anger. Your anger always leaves me mesmerized. If someone wrongs you at work or if I myself messes up, your attitude changes and maybe it was something petty and unreasonable. You go silent. No communicating, no nothing. At times you even fail to eat. Which grown-up man ever does that? Are you suffering from man-child syndrome? Help me understand. Furthermore, I am your wife, I won’t judge. And if I judge, you will never know.
The other day you scolded me in front of our baby, Mikey. After you left, he sobbed terribly asking, “Mbona baba hakupendi?” I did not have the right answer, so I just held him close. Close enough to feel his heart beating with love for me unlike yours. That hug gave me warmth, consolation and most of all it made me feel accepted. Maybe your love for me died, but please do not show our kids that. They need to grow up thinking that true love exists. Even if you have come to make me believe that it doesn’t.
All these has to stop. You faking, treating me like an option, failing to show me love, tormenting me and even your jealousy. You need to work on yourself. If not, allow me to peacefully leave with my kids. However, with no filter, being with you makes me feel as if am tied to a leash and still, I think you are a d....